Engaging in acts of kindness and doing things for others has always been a way for me to feel wanted and loved. Whether it’s making a homemade meal for a friend or offering a listening ear, the gratification of knowing that my efforts have made someone feel appreciated fills me with a sense of purpose. However, there have been times when my craving for positive attention took a darker turn. In my eagerness to receive affirmation and affection, I occasionally found myself smothering those around me, suffocating them with my constant need for validation until the attention I once craved turned negative.
During a period of intense weight loss, my emotions were greatly affected, skewing my perspective and leading to unhealthy behaviors. I began to substitute my addiction to food with an addiction to people, seeking their attention and validation as a way to fill the void within me. Unfortunately, this shift in my focus only served to push those I cared about away, as they could sense the overwhelming need I had for their presence and approval.
The overwhelming need they sensed caused them considerable stress and made them reluctant to be around me at all. My constant craving for their attention had turned our interactions into draining experiences, leading them to distance themselves in order to protect their own well-being. It was a painful realization that my quest for validation had driven a wedge between me and the people I cared about, highlighting the importance of finding a healthier way to connect with others and prioritize self-love and self-acceptance.
In my quest for connection, I discovered a paradox within myself. I needed and wanted attention from friends, craving their presence and support, yet at the same time, I shied away from being the center of attention. Striking a balance between seeking healthy relationships and not overwhelming others with my needs has been a challenging but necessary lesson in my journey towards self-discovery and personal growth.
Over time, I have embarked on a journey of self-discovery and personal growth, gradually learning to gain control over my overwhelming need for external validation. I’ve found solace within myself, understanding that true happiness and self-worth come from within rather than being dependent on others’ opinions or attention. I still derive immense satisfaction from giving to others and making them feel loved, but I’ve also learned to strike a balance by cherishing the time I have with friends instead of demanding the attention I once craved.
This ongoing battle may never be fully conquered, but the awareness of it has become my greatest ally. It serves as a constant reminder to stay grounded, prioritize self-love, and maintain healthier relationships with the people I care about. Through this process, I continue to evolve and grow, ultimately striving to become the best version of myself while understanding that self-acceptance and personal fulfillment are the ultimate goals.